dear mom,
sometimes it feels like the only reason why im studying is so that you and dad wont lose face.
i hate that you're always pressurizing me non-stop.
cant you see that i am so fucking burnt out. the last thing i wanna do is think about masters now. i just wanna fucking finish my thesis and TAKE A WELL DESERVED GOD DAMNED FUCKING BREAK.
is that so hard to ask for?
can you just lay off me FOR ONE GOD DAMN DAY?
JUST ONE FUCKING DAY?
i cant fucking breathe.
im so sick of all this competitive shit. sick of this fucked up education system.
if you're not in a certain uni, you dont have a certain level of education, you are worthless. or at least thats what you've been driving into me every damn time.
which is why now i set such high standards for myself and whenever i fail i feel so fucking disappointed.
you say you're supportive of everything that i do.
FUCK THAT OK. FUCK THAT.
what matters more is your face. how 'smart' i am so you can show off to everyone. that im on par or smarter than my cousins, your colleagues friends, your students etc etc.
EVERY GOD DAMN PERSON THAT YOU KNOW.
WELL FUCK THIS OK.
IM TIRED.
IM FED UP.
AND ONE DAY I WILL HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL THIS TO YOUR FACE.