awhile back i used to keep praying that i'd be emotionless and not feel anything. then i stopped, cos i didnt think it was possible. but u know what? it is, cos tt's what i've been like for the past few days. or past weeks.
emotionless. just.. empty.
im not saying i dont feel anything. i do, but just physically. like i feel tired. i feel burnt out. but i dont feel things like hurt. i dont feel pain.
and miraculously, time seems to have totally stopped. seriously. i have no concept of time whatsoever.
like today, i can walk all the way back from thomson plaza to bishan junction 8 and not feel a thing, except for the strain in my leg muscles and the sweat on my face.
i dont feel the time slipping away. and my favourite 'past time' has become taking long, bus rides. yep, u heard me right.
i used to dread em.. wanted to get home asap. but now.. i just wanna stay on the bus.. it lets me drift away.. perhaps it isolates me from the hustle and bustle of city life.. and i dont have to talk to no one, nor entertain.. and that suits me just fine. its on such bus rides when i feel myself totally empty. and i just stare into space.. and stare.. and stare..
now that i finally know what its like to be totally emotionless, and the fact that its even possible.. well, i quite like it really. cos i personally think its better to feel nothing at all, when all you've felt for awhile is just negative emotions after another.
moving out soon. and more long bus rides to come.