sick cycle carousel

i heard nothing but our footsteps echoing across the ground
the crickets and the traffic in the distance
i wanted to stay in that moment forever
just as much as i wanted it to end
time felt meaningless
the hours were empty
as i was inside
i crossed over to the other side
i could go no further
perhaps i never wanted to
i wished you cared less
and i wished she was less than perfect

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~~god can strike me down tmr and curse me to hell for iternity but i need to write this down, i need to say this out. i hope it doesnt scare you all away.~~

i have never in my life ever hated someone this much, yet envied them to the point of insanity. i am not kidding.

and i seriously, genuinely wish she would die. thats how much i fucking hate her. and no matter how hard i try to block it all out, to erase everything from my mind, it all comes back.. and i cant forgive myself. i cant forgive myself for all this hatred inside of me.

~~and you know whats the funniest thing? she doesnt even know i exist. perhaps its all for the best cos i swear i would kill her, all because she has what i can never have.~~

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my 3rd time updating in one night. its 3.30am now. anyway. i am feeling better. 'get over it', you said. i will.. i want to..