sick cycle carousel

Saturday, December 30, 2006

after 3 days i can finally log into my blog account.

but i've lost the 'mood' to blog already.

when i really, really needed to vent though, the internet crashed. sigh.

and just on the day i needed to submit my tutorial question to my teacher thru email.

GREAT.

all i can do now is hope that the email went thru, instead of getting filtered off as junk mail. i used my dad's singnet account, u see.

yesterday was spent at home doing nothing, aside from trying over and over to access my damn hotmail. succeeded in the evening.

till now its still giving me problems. damn this singtel! im switching sides to starhub i tell u!

*fumes*

so the past few days have been bad. no, not just cos of the internet ok.

but shall not elaborate.

i guess i am thankful for the much needed, long break from sch. ok a wk is not long but still.

i try not to believe in horoscopes, but damn it.. some stuff really do come true. and not those random general shits like 'it will be a busy week for you' but stuff like 'travelling will be a problem today'.

i do not need to have problems travelling, especially when the weather is unpredicatable and it rains day thru night and my clothes cant dry.

i know i am whining.

will someone help me pls.. my hotmail has hanged.

i admit ok.. i cant do w/o the internet.

SIGHS.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

i dont know why i easily trust strangers, yet doubt those who are close to me.

shouldn't it be the other way round?

maybe cos once u know someone for a long time, its almost equivalent to knowing him/her inside out.. so when the person says something, you doubt him/her cos you don't think they're capable of sticking to their words, or doing what they said they'd do.

only to let them prove you wrong, once again.

on a side note, i am enjoying my hols.

well, sort of.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

looking forward to the week ahead.. with a lil tinge of apprehension.

anyways...

(way in advance)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

in the past i used to wish that time would pass faster, cos i had too much time on my hands and didnt know what to do with it.

now i take that all back.

oh, if only i could make time stop! or at least slow it down.

there's just so much to do, and so little time.

sigh.

im behind schedule in everything.

the deadlines are piling up again. the old me wouldnt stand for this. i hate doing things last min. cos last min means ur rushing, and u cant do ur best.

so if u score shitty marks, u only have yourself 2 blame. and thats whats happening currently.

am extremely stressed.

this is rather random...

i think love causes a lot of trouble. i mean, the relationship kind of love.

say before u get attached or anything, when u love a certain someone, u almost kill yourself wondering if he/she does or will ever love u back.

then if lady luck is on your side and you do get together, then u gotta make the relationship work which of course isnt easy either.

so whether you're single/attached/married even ur still gonna get problems, just of a different scale. i dont have to mention divorcees, do i?

do relationships get stronger over time, or do people grow sick of one another and start searching again?

im beginning to wonder if there really is such a thing as 'someone for everyone'. couples that have been together for years and years and years can still break up.

and its this unpredictability of life that scares me.

seems like nothing is really for certain.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

i've deleted the previous post.

currently, having a blog appears to defeat its purpose.

i think i shall revert back to writing in a diary. shall start one for 2007.

as for now, i will keep all emotions here to a minimal, or not mention them at all.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

decided to do something sweet and romantic. i love sentimental stuff!!!!!!!!!! unfortunately, had to resize the pic. click HERE for the whole deal :)

Thursday, December 14, 2006

i really don't understand some pple. like, how can they be so perfect?

i for one have never been. and probably never will be.

maybe its just a facade they put up. things appear to go well for them. everything just works out.

omg.. how do they ever manage to stay so positive?

im brimming with negatism, spite and anger.

compared to them, i feel like a total monster just waiting to be unleashed.

damn these mood swings.
they're terrible.

i guess i should be content that i lead a normal life.

let me define "normal."

in my opinion, its the usual grousing about sch work, parents, relationships and how unfair life is in general. i say this is normal as nothing really big or momentous has happened the past 19 years of my life.

ok maybe just one or two. still.
i think thats pretty normal.

"you always want what you can't have"

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

inspired by you, for you.

I wanted to resize the pic and make it smaller, but it didnt look as nice. So this will just have to do :)

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QUIZ

Did you ever have a crush?
Yes

Where do you want ur date to bring you to for a date?
Anywhere romantic. Preferences: S'pore river, esplanade, east coast :)

What would you like to receive as a gift?
Unique stuff. Handmade stuff. Shows u really put in the effort. But if u really dont know what to get for me, money is fine. yes, i am that shameless lol.

What is your christmas wish?
To spend it with loved ones :)

What thing that makes you so touch that can make you tear?
Chick flicks. Sweet, sincere words. A hug.

Would you prefer a simple/grand wedding?
Simple.

Church wedding/traditional?
Can i have both?

Where do you want your honeymoon to be?
That's easy - PARIS!!!!!!!!!

What is your prefect date?
Someone who pays attention to me, instead of himself.

Any precious childhood memories?
Too many to name here. Good and bad.

descibe your dream house.
well, i'd like to design my dream house. but my current home is alright :)

Would you prefer roses/lilies?
Roses, of course! Im a romantic!

Would you prefer a guy to be hardworking/slacker?
Hardworking. He's gotta support me, not live off me.

would you prefer rainy/sunny day?
Rainy. Good for sleeping in, and romantic! Sucks when ur outside though.

sunrise/sunset ?
Sunset. I can never wake up in time for sunrise anyway.

sliver/gold ?
Silver.

polka dots/stripes
Stripes. vetical stripes. horizontal ones make u look fat. and i cant carry off polka dots lol.

moon/star ?
erm in what context? moon. more romantic. hahaha...

Heels/pump?
Killer heels! *trips and stumbles*

phone brand?
Nokia. i am biased.

What are the last 3 digits of your mobile number?
607

What does the 2nd message in your inbox say?
If i told u, i'd have to kill u ;)

Who is the FIRST person who comes up under the letter M?
omg.. its maple... lol lol lol lol

Who was the last person you rang?
Dad.

Who was your last missed call from?
erm..

Who was the SECOND person who comes up under D?
my dad hahaha

What does the oldest message in your inbox say?
I cant be bothered to check. anyways, not telling.

Who comes up under J?
myself! hahahaha. aiyah lazy to list all.

Go to your Sent Items ; What does the 10th message say?
i dont keep them.. takes up space.

Who is the FOURTH person who comes under S?
Sarah.

Who is your network provider?
Singtel.

How many messages are currently in your inbox?
20, and thats specifically for the inbox only.

What do you have as your background?
personal photo.

Who is the SECOND person who comes up under R?
Ruby.

Who do you have on speed dial 3?
No one!

If you are on Pay as you Go, how much credit do you have?
???

Who is the first person who comes up under
Christine.

How many bars of signal do you currently have?
4 - full bar!

What do you have as your main ring tone?
No ringtone, phone's on vibrate lol.

ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: Joanne

Birth date: 110387

colour: pink, black, white

Hair colour: brownish gold

Righty or Lefty: lefty

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

ON THE INSIDE

Your fears: Loneliness, rejection, disappointment, jealousy... they're too many.

Your weaknesses: sometimes i speak before i think, am overly sensitive and paranoid, low self esteem, lack confidence, selfish............... etc etc

Your perfect pizza: Currently, Pizza hut's aloha lover.

YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW

Your thoughts first waking up: What time is it?

Your most missed memory: too many, i cant pick just one.

YOUR PICK

Pepsi or Coke: both

McDonald's or Burger King: Burger king.

Single or group dates: Single

Adidas or Nike: Nike

Lipton tea or Nestea: Neither.

Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla. my favvvvvvv

Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee

DO YOU?

Smoke: No

Curse: All the time - outloud and in my head :X

Take a shower: OF COURSE!!!!!!! I cant go to bed without.

Have a crush: Nope.

Like(d) school: depends which time period ur referring to. pri - sucks. sec - rocks. jc - sucks. uni - currently sucks.

Want to get married: Definitely.

Believe in yourself: No.

Think you're a health-freak: Occassionally.

IN THE PAST MONTH

Drank alcohol: Yes.. like yesterday.. LOL

Gone to the mall: ur kidding me. like almost every damn day.

Been on stage: Yes.

Eaten sushi: Yes.

Dyed your hair: Yes.

HAVE YOU EVER

Played a stripping game: No.

Changed who you were to fit in: Yes.

Age you're hoping to be married: this varies. but currently, latest by 28.

IN A GIRL/GUY

Best eye colour: Brown.

Best hair colour: Brown.

Short or long hair: Short. but long fringe is fine. just not long at the back hahaha.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING

1 minute ago: Doing this.

1 hour ago: Watching tv.

45 hours ago: crazy.. i dont know

1 month ago: probably online.

1 year ago: SLACKING!! A levels just over....

FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I love: you

I feel: tired

I hate: studying

I hide: my fears

I miss: you

I need: a life

WHO

who is in your house with you?
parents and maid

who was the last person you SMS-ed?
dad.

who are you thinking about now?
how many more qns i have left to go...

who is (was) your favourite teacher?
Mrs Alex (Sec sch lit teacher)

who's birthday is the next ?
I can only think of marian. cant remember anyone for dec.

who was the last person you told you love them?
:)

who you wished you were with them right now?
:)

who's your favourite relative?
No favourites.

WHERE

where do (did) you go to school?
chij (tp) pri and sec, cjc, jcu.

where do you live?
serangoon.

where is your phone ?
right next to me.

where are your parents?
dad is here, mum is downstairs.

where do you sleep?
In my room.

where do you shop the most?
Orchard rd.

where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
its a dress. and my mum got it for me lol.

where did you last take a car ride to?
to sch.

where in your house are you?
my room.

WHAT

what was the last thing you ate ?
egg omelette.

what kind of cell phone do you have?
nokia.

what is the closest thing to you that is red?
Blood

what are you wearing on your feet?
bare footed.

what instant messenger service do you use?
MSN messenger.

what is your favorite colour?
Pink

what is your shoe brand?
nike

what do you wear more; short/jeans?
Shorts.

what is the last movie you watch?
Little man. on vcd.

what song do you currently hear?
those on my mp3s and com.

WHEN

when do you start school?
started already............................

when is your birthday?
110387. i thought i answered this previously.

when did you last go to the mall?
a few hrs ago.

when did you last buy a new pair of shorts?
2 months ago.

when did you last burn a candle?
i cant remember. a few months ago??

when were you last at school?
weds. dont ask.

when did you last see your dad?
A minute ago.

when did you last have your shower?
in the evening, when i got home.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

so i changed my blog skin.

old one was giving me trouble.

the internet speed is sooooooo slow.

well, at least it was a good day.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

im not studying and its showing.

sigh :(

at least it was a good day 4u, though not 4 me.

it'll be over soon.. tmr will be better right?

i am spending too much money.

i am over eating again.

procrastinating. and not getting anything done.

vent vent vent.

and stupid blogskin chooses to screw up now, dammit.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

hi!

i've decided to create a graphic for ALL OF YOU! you may post it up anywhere you'd like.

if you've got anymore ideas let me know!

am thinking of making a shoppaholic one next :)

well here it is...

http://i126.photobucket.com/albums/p98/joanne_the_great/broke.jpg

IMPT!
if u need help with adjustments of the size of the image cos its too big, let me know and ill adjust for you accordingly!

LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 04, 2006

i think life is fucked up.

mine at least.

i hate myself.

maybe i set my goals too high.

maybe i should just admit defeat.

as much as i try, i will never be her.

its so hard to please everyone.

i dont know why i even bother to please myself.

i want to rip out my heart tear it out and burn it

i dont want to feel anymore

i dont want to care

seems like you never really get what you ask for

screw the world

screw everything

im done

WHATEVER

Sunday, December 03, 2006

i dont understand why its so hard for me to be happy.

as in, why cant i be happier longer?

why is it whenever im happy, ill always have the fear of it being taken away from me soon?

and it always, always happens.

so i dont get the chance to stay that way for long.

im rambling.

went running again this evening. shaved off 10mins of running time.. im improving!

thereafter, went to cook instant noodles.

*watches as effort goes down the drain*

damn.

next time, i will only have dinner AFTER i get back from running.

but what if i collapse due to lack of energy?

ok, enough already joanne.

im gonna pretend its ok. i didnt see what i saw.

i didnt.
i didnt.
i didnt.

i wanna press backspace and erase it.

we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are.

we dont wanna move out of that comfort zone.

we resist change.

sometimes we hurt ourselves.

we hurt others too.

sometimes we cry.

we ache.

dont you wanna numb the pain?

maybe its better not to feel at all.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

photo write-up: nothing much to say abt this one. i like the gloomy pic, and the lyrics match it. simply done :)

on a side note, i cant believe its december already! havent been in the xmas mood for god knows how long.

been sick for the past 2 days. down with a flu and sore throat.