my dad used to scold me for 'sweeping my problems under the rug'...
i remember now. and how appropriate it is at this moment. in case u don't get it, it means refusing to confront ur problems and acting as if they don't exist, temporarily until they somehow resurface again.
im still doing that now.. with my personal life and less so (in my opinion) with regards to my studies.
things that i've tried so awfully hard not to face, not to think abt.. well... guess it resurfaced today. and i was caught unprepared.
what a great way to start off the month huh.
im sure its not hard to understand.. everyone has stuff they simply want to avoid, cos thinking abt it or confronting it does nothing but bring pain. maybe i've skirted the issue for too long already. my time is due then.
given the choice as to whether i could backtrack and relive today i would, only so that i could push the problem back into its dark corner. i know in the future ill have to face it, but not now. just not now.
a bit of digression: im sorry that i cant reveal much here.. as u know this blog serves as an outlet for my frustrations.. not some tell-it-all column. so whoever is reading this, i hope u understand my need for some 'privacy'.
yes, i am worrying too early. i am paranoid.
yes i am.
but is there any harm in thinking for the future?
i feel upset that things have to turn out this way. i am angry with God for this. it isnt fair. why do some pple have it so easy?
pls cut the crap that im blessed and am so fortunate. fuck all that. the grass is greener on the other side.
i wanna cross over.
So I might try, to leave it all behind
I know tomorrow's not so bright now
I'll say goodbye, cause nothing good can last
You wear and fade you're nowhere fast
And today, I don't know how
To keep it all inside
But I guess I'll let it slide
And today, I don't know why
I thought that it was real
But I guess it's no big deal
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day
Another perfect day