dear friend,
can i even call you that? there's so much i wish i could tell you. it'd only be fair, after all you've shared with me. maybe its not much, but i somehow feel guilty.. holding back from you. till this day i dont fully quite comprehend as to why im doing this. i only know that this is what i must do.
3 hours. what difference does that make to me, i ask myself. it shouldnt be such a big deal. it shouldnt. yet it is. maybe thats just the way i am. selfish. jealous. me.
im not making any sense now am i? forgive me, i dont even understand myself. these thoughts are threatening to spill out of my head.
im drowning.
part of me wants to be mad at you. part of me wants to scream at you. bitch about you. curse you. hate you. oh god, with friends like me you wouldnt need enemies.
but i cant do that. we are, after all, 'friends'.
someday ill tell you. someday you'll find out. but it wont be today. nor tomorrow. nor anytime soon.
that lingering suspicion you had? yes, you're right. you're absolutely right.
forgive me.
good night.