my dad used to scold me for 'sweeping my problems under the rug'...
i remember now. and how appropriate it is at this moment. in case u don't get it, it means refusing to confront ur problems and acting as if they don't exist, temporarily until they somehow resurface again.
im still doing that now.. with my personal life and less so (in my opinion) with regards to my studies.
things that i've tried so awfully hard not to face, not to think abt.. well... guess it resurfaced today. and i was caught unprepared.
what a great way to start off the month huh.
im sure its not hard to understand.. everyone has stuff they simply want to avoid, cos thinking abt it or confronting it does nothing but bring pain. maybe i've skirted the issue for too long already. my time is due then.
given the choice as to whether i could backtrack and relive today i would, only so that i could push the problem back into its dark corner. i know in the future ill have to face it, but not now. just
not now.
a bit of digression: im sorry that i cant reveal much here.. as u know this blog serves as an outlet for my frustrations.. not some tell-it-all column. so whoever is reading this, i hope u understand my need for some 'privacy'.
yes, i am worrying too early. i am paranoid.
yes i am.but is there any harm in thinking for the future?
i feel upset that things have to turn out this way. i am angry with God for this.
it isnt fair. why do some pple have it so easy?
pls cut the crap that im blessed and am so fortunate. fuck all that. the grass is greener on the other side.
i wanna cross over.So I might try, to leave it all behindI know tomorrow's not so bright nowI'll say goodbye, cause nothing good can last
You wear and fade you're nowhere fast
And today, I don't know howTo keep it all insideBut I guess I'll let it slide
And today, I don't know why
I thought that it was realBut I guess it's no big dealI
still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day
Another perfect day
For every girl who is tired of being weak when she is strong,
there is a boy tired of appearing strong when he is vulnerable.
For every boy who is burdened with the constant expectation of knowing everything,
there is a girl who is tired of people not trusting her intelligence.
For every girl who is tired of being called over-sensitive,
there is a boy who fears to be gentile, to weep.
For every boy whose competition is the only way to prove his masculinity,
there is a girl who is called unfeminine when she competes.
For every boy struggling not to let advertising dictate his desires,
there is a girl facing the ad industry's attacks on her self-esteem.
For every girl who takes a step toward her liberation,
there is a boy who finds the way to freedom a little bit easier.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
ok, ill say it again.. im so
FED UP with life.
i dont understand why is it whenever i anticipate something, and am so looking forward to it, it somehow screws up.
like
ALL THE TIME.
what the fuck??
so maybe i should just
stop hoping and
stop waiting.
i don't deal with disappointments easily.
I want to go back to when boys meant 'yuck' and friends were new, dreams were unshattered, and worries few. When recess was too short and life was too long, and decisions came easy without the need to belong. When storks delivered babies and passions weren't so strong, friendships weren't broken, right was right and wrong was wrong. When bad things didn't happen and only skinned knees brought tears, and the night light in its socket quieted all our fears.
